Assault with a weapon, Canadian-style

The Edmonton Sun

A four-month-old baby was the victim of a bizarre crime Friday night when a man allegedly hit him with his baby bottle outside a southside liquor store. [...] the man walked up to the baby and his mom outside the Liquor Depot near 110 Street and 51 Avenue and took the bottle. He then allegedly hit the child on the nose with the bottle's nipple and later flicked him on the face with his finger, police said. "The baby wasn't harmed," said police spokesman Patrycia Chalupczynska. "Afterwards, it had a red mark on its forehead. It doesn't appear that the child went to hospital." Police, though, came on the scene after the mom started screaming for help. Before they arrived, people nearby held onto the suspect. Cops have now charged a man as a result with assault and, due to the use of the baby bottle, assault with a weapon.

Obviously an age-related hate crime. Lock him up and throw away the key.

On the other hand, I've probably wanted to... okay maybe... once or twice. Especially on airplanes.